"To begin to understand why God would die on a cross is to realize that God has already moved through the flurry of activities in our lives to love us completely, no matter what we done or have not done."

I have a flurry of activities. lately ive felt like it doesnt stop. theres no time to rest. to breathe. its not just the activities i fill my day with. its the other things. i let my stress out so much over other people. and theres so many things. i have and havent done. so many things.

So tonight, as i sat at my boyfriend's computer, and desired to spend time with Christ, being that today is the day that we celebrate 'Good Friday" the above quote spoke to me. so many things spoke to me. who wouldv thought I could have an awesome experiences with God, crying in front of a computer screen as my youtube playlist played worship songs and my family sleeps upstairs.

As i struggled to find words to say, not knowing what to pray, appeared these words on my screen:

Lover and redeemer of my soul, bring me the comfort of your love. Take my daily frustrations with myself and others and redeem them with the spirit of your forgiveness and acceptance. Help me to lay all the things I have done or left undone at your feet. Give me the freedom to live as a child of God, following your example, unrestricted in the ways I care for others. Amen.

those were the words i needed to say. i need God's comforting love. I need His redemption. I need to lay "so many things' at His feet. and as I did this, I admitted to God, what he already knew. I'm scared. So scared. I proceeded to list to God the things I'm scared of. all of it involving an unforseen future.

And as I prayed I knew that I needed to confess my fear to God because it was hindering me. There is no fear in love. Fear causes us to hold back, to live halfway, but "perfect love drowns out fear." So then I proceeded to pray this next sentence, and make a simple realization:

"God put me in the place where I can do nothing but trust in you. ... I'm human, that's where I am, everyday."

And then the song 'in your arms of love' by kutless came on. i changed the words a little, and it was perfect.

I'm giving up my fears. hold me still. hold me near.

'cause there's no place I'd rather be, than in your arms of love.

And I thought about how burdened I am for so many people in my life. And I act like I'm the only one. But then I realized that part of 'following His example" meant suffering for others. I can share in God's suffering. Coming to a greater knowledge of His AWESOME love.

This is the benediction that ended my devo, and how fitting it is!

"Even if you do not know what to say,
Even if you are afraid,
Go now to follow your Lord
Through the dark paths of his journey.
Learn from him as he suffers,
Giving his life for love."

Then Phil Wickham came on , and i was filled with joy, because this song says it all. In Christ's dying and rising again, the barrier between us and God was broken. The day that True Love died, so we could then experience true love. Its an awesome and real story.

"We were free and made alive the day that True Love died." - 'True Love' Phil Wickham

Then I read another devotional, that really encouraged me in my struggle to really love and serve others.

Here are snippets of it;

"We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love," - Momma T

(Jesus washing disciples feet)

Loving God, help me to be humble in the ways I love others. Fill the ordinary tasks of my days with inspired hospitality. Help me to be mindful of your example of simple acts of love when I am frustrated or worn down by the dreariness of the day’s work. Inspire me to do all things well and with great love. Amen.

Follow Him. Learn from Him as He serves.

The First and Best Servant of all.