http://www.relevantmagazine.com/worldview/features/22392-avoiding-the-path-to-apathy

"... by observing the law, no one will be justified."

"Christians have no problem helping the poor. But question whether our 'blessings' are borne on the backs of the poor and things get messy. The call to 'Make poverty history' needs a partner: 'Make affluence history.'"

"To begin to understand why God would die on a cross is to realize that God has already moved through the flurry of activities in our lives to love us completely, no matter what we done or have not done."

I have a flurry of activities. lately ive felt like it doesnt stop. theres no time to rest. to breathe. its not just the activities i fill my day with. its the other things. i let my stress out so much over other people. and theres so many things. i have and havent done. so many things.

So tonight, as i sat at my boyfriend's computer, and desired to spend time with Christ, being that today is the day that we celebrate 'Good Friday" the above quote spoke to me. so many things spoke to me. who wouldv thought I could have an awesome experiences with God, crying in front of a computer screen as my youtube playlist played worship songs and my family sleeps upstairs.

As i struggled to find words to say, not knowing what to pray, appeared these words on my screen:

Lover and redeemer of my soul, bring me the comfort of your love. Take my daily frustrations with myself and others and redeem them with the spirit of your forgiveness and acceptance. Help me to lay all the things I have done or left undone at your feet. Give me the freedom to live as a child of God, following your example, unrestricted in the ways I care for others. Amen.

those were the words i needed to say. i need God's comforting love. I need His redemption. I need to lay "so many things' at His feet. and as I did this, I admitted to God, what he already knew. I'm scared. So scared. I proceeded to list to God the things I'm scared of. all of it involving an unforseen future.

And as I prayed I knew that I needed to confess my fear to God because it was hindering me. There is no fear in love. Fear causes us to hold back, to live halfway, but "perfect love drowns out fear." So then I proceeded to pray this next sentence, and make a simple realization:

"God put me in the place where I can do nothing but trust in you. ... I'm human, that's where I am, everyday."

And then the song 'in your arms of love' by kutless came on. i changed the words a little, and it was perfect.

I'm giving up my fears. hold me still. hold me near.

'cause there's no place I'd rather be, than in your arms of love.

And I thought about how burdened I am for so many people in my life. And I act like I'm the only one. But then I realized that part of 'following His example" meant suffering for others. I can share in God's suffering. Coming to a greater knowledge of His AWESOME love.

This is the benediction that ended my devo, and how fitting it is!

"Even if you do not know what to say,
Even if you are afraid,
Go now to follow your Lord
Through the dark paths of his journey.
Learn from him as he suffers,
Giving his life for love."

Then Phil Wickham came on , and i was filled with joy, because this song says it all. In Christ's dying and rising again, the barrier between us and God was broken. The day that True Love died, so we could then experience true love. Its an awesome and real story.

"We were free and made alive the day that True Love died." - 'True Love' Phil Wickham

Then I read another devotional, that really encouraged me in my struggle to really love and serve others.

Here are snippets of it;

"We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love," - Momma T

(Jesus washing disciples feet)

Loving God, help me to be humble in the ways I love others. Fill the ordinary tasks of my days with inspired hospitality. Help me to be mindful of your example of simple acts of love when I am frustrated or worn down by the dreariness of the day’s work. Inspire me to do all things well and with great love. Amen.

Follow Him. Learn from Him as He serves.

The First and Best Servant of all.

Lent.

I've decided that as lent is a season of reflection, i am going to make an effort to blog more during this time. I am going to journal every day, but those will be my more personal entries, and mostly prayers.

Yesterday I went to an Ash Wednesday service they had at school. I was not impressed with the homily at all. But what spoke to me most was what the priest said as he put ashes on my forehead; "ashes to ashes, dust to dust, may you live out the message of the gospel with your life, in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit." That is my goal, for my life, but especially for this Lenten season.

And I also received a great reminder of this in my devotional today. (I decided im going to do d365 each day of lent [Thanks for that site natalie!]) Here is some of what it said:

Tuesday:

"Looking inward is not something that we do easily. Most of the time, we prefer to see our outward circumstances as the controlling factors of how we live" ... I find this to be very true of myself, so especially during the next 39 days i am going to spend more time in inward reflection.

Ash Wednesday:

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

That verse is a great reminder to me that we are here for such a short time (ashes to ashes, dust to dust), so why store treasures on this earth? But store up treasures in heaven. Treasures that are eternal, that will last FOREVER. This is what is NOT meaningless (referencing Solomon in Ecclesiastes).

I love that, "for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." This makes me think about how when we are storing up treasures in heaven, we are working towards the eternal glory. We are living for eternity. And if our heart is with our treasures (as the verse states) we will find great joy in doing "kingdom work" here on earth. Because it is work that is eternal. I love to know I can find Joy because my heart is in my treasures. And my treasures will last forever. I am sorry, I am having trouble articulating my thoughts here, I just can't make them sound eloquent.

But that verse also makes me think of youth in action. And the kids I have built relationships with. They are my treasures. I want them to be stored in heaven. to know their eternal souls will one day see God's glory. That is what I'm striving for. But it is not me. But it is the Spirit working in me and in them that connects us to eternity.

.... back to the devotion for today:

"Today we begin the Lenten journey. One of the primary opportunities Lent provides for us is a time of self-examination. This is a time to take an honest look at our lives and to discern what is helping us to grow in our faith and what is holding us back. It may be the perfect time to discern what we leave and what we take, what gets done and what is left undone. Those choices will ultimately show where the real treasures lie." Brian Prior

I pray for God to show me, what it is I need to do in order to better live my life for Him. In order to know where the real treasures lie.

It's time

for me to say all the things I've been thinking but haven't said out loud.

A lot of today has been me hearing people complain about things that aren't really things to complain about. And I don't want to complain about them because, well, that's being hypocritical. I just want to experience some freedom that I feel like I'm not experiencing, and I'm not sure whats holding me back. I feel that it is probably myself, but I don't know what about myself.

So this semester I really want to focus on living in freedom. The freedom I have as an individual and a child of God. I want to spend more time with my heavenly father. Doing kingdom work because ultimately that is what matters. That is what will cause us to hear "Well done good and faithful servant." That is what I believe. That is what I want. Living a life of Faith means knowing full well that you are on a journey of a life time. It's taking the road less traveled. It's hard, it's lots of hills and valleys. But I believe its worth it.

This semester I want to experience community. I want to be open with brothers and sisters. I want to love. Sometimes I feel like this is so hard to do because, of people. People are hard to love either because they don't want to be loved or you don't want to love them. I'm an RA this semester, this puts me at a perfect opportunity to create community and almost forces me to reach out to those around me. I want to do this... by biggest enemy is time and insecurity. Now that I recognize the enemy, I can better fight them.

Part of being in community and walking further on my faith journey means realizing that everything is Spiritual. So often we spend our time trying to disconnect tangible matter and heavenly things. When they are in fact directly connected. We all have a soul. As Christians we have the Holy Spirit. Satan exists.The Bible says we fight not against the flesh and blood but against the Spirit. I feel that the community we create with one another would be so different, and I cant describe how or necessarily why, if we would realize this. The way we interacted with others and the way we handled ourselves, would be so different if we acknowledged the Spiritual nature of things. I don't know how to expound on this because it's gonna take a lot more thought.

I also really want to focus on school work this semester. I was able to bring my GPA last semester from a 2.8 to a 3.2 which is an accomplishment for me. I'd like to aim for a 3.5 this semester. Its not easy for me to make this accomplishment because I hate school. But I like to learn and expand intellectually. So I've realized that I can grow if I actually take time and think about my school work. put effort in to it.

This is hard to do when I am being pulled in all different directions. everyone wanting first priority. I need to take time to reflect on this. Pray about things. and approach God, in order to discern what should take first priority (obviously time spent with Him should be first).

Alright. This is all for now. Sarah is here talking. and I need to try to get my paper done for Christian Faith class with Kiz.