relaxing with out relaxing.

So I've thought of two ways to relax without relaxing, and lately I'm experiencing one way when I want to be experiencing the other. See one way comes when you are relaxing and you don't want to be. Physically your forced to relax, in my case because I have nothing better to do. But really you aren't relaxed; emotionally, mentally or maybe even spiritually. I will have finally have time to just sit and do nothing or sit and relax and I won't be relaxed because my mind is elsewhere or I'm anxious or there's things left undone. It's like it takes work to relax.

And then there's the kind where you are relaxed but your not relaxing. That is my favorite, and that is what I want. Especially in the upcoming days, when summer is coming to an end. I want to be busy and have things to do, but I want to be relaxed also. Just be having fun and be okay with everything because I'm relaxed and on vacation but active at the same time.

Well this is enough about those random rambles and thoughts, I guess in conclusion to those thoughts I would have to say that I want to get things done, pray about more things and figure out how to make it so I can feel relaxed more often while still being active.

On a side note, today I was walking home from Giant Eagle through the park and as I was carrying my bag of groceries that I didn't really need, at all, I saw the line of men who stand outside light of life every evening around this time. I'm not sure what they're doing. I feel like they might be getting dinner because its always around dinner time that thy gather. I felt really guilty. I just began thinking about how much I take advantage of what I have without being thankful for or being conscious of how much I really do have. I felt terrible for going and getting groceries that I didn't really need with money I really shouldn't have spent.
I need to work on that also.

I'm very excited to see Kevin in like 3 days. I feel like it might be awkward. It probably won't be but I guess it depends on how I react and how things go, I really don't want to worry about it right now though.

this is all for now. im exhausted. peace out